A Few Things I know

• My mama tells a good story.
• Coming from a long line of alcoholics makes for a much more interesting family history.
• Hearing that your distinguished ancestors broke their faces, pissed themselves, and liked to sing when they got drunk makes it feel like you are honoring them when you make an ass of yourself. You just don't play the piano as well.
• When I stumble and hesitate when choosing between dropping the baby and dropping the drink, I now know that I come by it honestly.
• Do it yourself hysterectomies are hysterical. Get it?
  
• Taxi drivers make excellent drinking partners.
• There is not much that Grandma Palmer, Aunt lessie, Aunt Dot, or Dad wouldn't say. I guess I come by that honestly, too.

This barely breaks the surface. I am having a blast writing all of this down.* Word count creeping ever higher.

*Don't worry, family. If it ever makes the light of day, I will change names to protect the [not so] innocent.

Turkey Dysfunction

You would have to know my Dad to think this is really funny. I have been drinking wine all day without food. Dad has been hitting the Scotch. What's the logical thing to do? Give me a video camera and him a carving knife.

Note that both mine and Lisa's husbands are hiding out in another room playing video games with the kids. They are smart.

If anyone knows Jason B., I can pretty much guarantee that he will do "the laugh" over this one.

For my brother-in-law who reads my blog, please note how this holiday experience is so different from the one I married into that I often feel like I am on a different, and much quieter, planet when I visit your parents. (I read his blog when I understand what it is he is talking about, but the Ruby programming language, which he writes whole entire, published and searchable-on-Amazon books on, is a little over my head. You should buy a copy for each of your friends.)